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2003 October 7th
Tuesday
Lisa,
Thank you for taking an interest in Pounce's well-being.
Pounce apparently doesn't require the use of a litter box. It has something
to do with never eating anything. I think it's because Pounce is just really
discriminating. I hold up a piece of food, like a Goldfish cracker or a cup of
noodles...no interest at all!
It could also be that Pounce has very strong predator instincts and has to
attack food before consuming it. I tried moving the Goldfish cracker in a
natural, lifelike way -- just like Goldfish crackers act in the wild. I made
Goldfish cracker sounds, and made provacative, sudden movements right in front
of Pounce's paws. "Pounce, Pounce! Pounce!", I urged.
Is Pounce really happy, deep down? I don't actually know. But one thing is
for sure: Pounce is very focused, and can sit in quiet meditation for hours or
days. Sometimes, I put Pounce in front of a math book, with the page turned to
some well-known, unproven theorem, hoping that Pounce will decide to bring his
formidable intellectual cat-power to bear on the great mysteries of our time.
I stare, wondering if Pounce knows the answers and just isn't saying.
Thanks again for your really great advice for improving the happiness of my
precious, furry friend! Cats are so proud and stoic. It pains me to think
that Pounce might be hurting inside because of a stupid master who doesn't
know the first thing about owning and operating a cat. Maybe that's why Pounce
ran away. Pounce is just too embarrassed to come right out and tell me that I
should get a litter box and food pellets shaped like fish. God, cats are such
a big responsibility! How can anyone handle the pressure?! I gotta go to some
cat owner support group. "Hello, my name is Colin, and I am a cat owner!"
(Group: "Hiiii, Colin!") Then the group leader says: "We like to use the term
cat 'servant' or cat 'life enhancer', not cat 'owner'. A cat is not a piece of
property! A cat is a loyal friend, confidant, foil, and critic -- a really
stern, judgemental creature who always rejects your efforts to get close, and
breaks your heart before finally running away forever..." (Group: "We are not
worthy!!") Me: "Uhhhhh, I just remembered an important, uh, appointment, so
you guys just keep going without me. I think my car might be low on gas.
Very urgent. Could run out at any time. So, I'll just be going before it's
too late!!" [Sound of running away forever]
Do you own a cat or dog? Animals are really special. When I signed the
lease at an apartment complex that didn't allow pets, my heart sank -- I just
sold out my best friend. But then I remembered how quiet Pounce can be.
I told Pounce to avoid sitting by any windows, and to hide whenever maintenance
people entered my apartment. Sometimes people visit and ask why I have books
and a calculator on the floor in the corner of the kitchen, or a Datek online
stock trading account with the login name "Pounce", but I just change the
subject really fast: "How about that sunshine we had yesterday?! Wow, it
must have been bright outside for, like 12 hours, at least, you think? But I
think we've been getting less of it each day, like some kind of trend. I don't
want to alarm you, but losing 4 minutes a day means the sun will vanish forever
in 180 days...I'm stocking up on light and warmth. I'm surprised NASA hasn't
warned the Earth people. I bet they don't want people to panic. Still, I bet
the government has a secret, underground shelter with artificial sunshine.
They'll wait underground, as the surface of the Earth freezes over, until their
scientists can find a way to divert the Earth to a more reliable sun. Please
stop staring at me like you think I'm crazy!" By that point they forget all
about the evidence that I have a cat. Whew!
--- Colin
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