"Pounce", my pet cat (part 2)

"Pounce" went to the starting position, dug in his paws, and literally had "The Eye of the Tiger"! I was so excited. "Go!", I shouted, and "Pounce" sped away in a tan blur. I think I saw a shock wave. Anyhow, I turned my attention to the digital stopwatch.

My enthusiasm began to fade as the numbers came in. Apparently "Pounce" was doing worse than the average high school student on a track team. When "Pounce" crossed the finish line, I began thinking how I would break the bad news.

"Pounce" coasted in an arc and headed toward me. Cats always look like they're smiling, but I could tell he was very hopeful.

I said, "Well, your first lap was 61.9F, and your second lap was just over 79.3F."

"Sorry, "Pounce". It just wasn't happening; the magic wasn't there this time."

"Pounce" looked angry.

I tried to console him: "You'll get faster! Cats can run really fast! You just have to tap in to your cat powers, and, like, go with it, and stuff."

"Pounce" simply got angrier. Then he made the outrageous claim that my special "stopwatch" was actually a digital thermometer with indoor and outdoor temperature readings.

Thank you for taking an interest in the well-being of my pet cat "Pounce".

"Pounce" apparently doesn't require the use of a litter box. It has something to do with never eating anything. I think it's because "Pounce" is really discriminating. I hold up a piece of food, like a Goldfish cracker or a cup of noodles...no interest at all!

It could also be that "Pounce" has very strong predatory instincts and thus must attack food before consuming it. I tried moving the Goldfish cracker in a natural, lifelike way, just like Goldfish crackers move and behave in their natural habitat. I made Goldfish cracker sounds, and made provacative, sudden movements directly in front of "Pounce"'s paws. "Pounce, Pounce! Pounce!", I urged.

Is "Pounce" really happy, deep down? I don't actually know. But one thing is certain: "Pounce" is very focused, and can sit in quiet meditation for hours or days. Sometimes, I put "Pounce" in front of a math book, with the page turned to some well-known, unproven theorem, hoping that "Pounce" will decide to bring his formidable intellectual focus to bear on the great mysteries of our time. I stare, wondering if "Pounce" knows the answers and simply isn't saying.

Thanks again for your really great advice for improving the happiness of my precious, furry friend!

Cats are so proud and stoic. The thought that "Pounce" might be hurting inside, because of a stupid master who doesn't know the first thing about owning and operating a cat, makes me sad.

Maybe that's why "Pounce" ran away. "Pounce" is just too embarrassed to tell me that I should get a litter box and food pellets shaped like fish. God, cats are such a big responsibility! How can anyone handle the pressure?!

Do you own a cat or dog? Animals are really special. When I signed the lease at an apartment complex that didn't allow pets, my heart sank; I just sold out my best friend. But then I remembered how quiet "Pounce" can be. I told "Pounce" to avoid sitting by any windows, and to hide whenever maintenance people entered my apartment. Sometimes people visit and ask why I have books and a calculator on the floor in the corner of the kitchen, or a Datek online stock trading account with the login name "Pounce", but I just change the subject really quickly.

1. Introduction

2. Images

3. "Pounce" questions and answers